October 01, 2004
The Little Buckaroo, Master Debater
"Well, I thought last night's debate went spectacurely,
eh, Karl? I sure showed the world what a master debater
"Yes, Mr. President. I think we had lowered the public's
expectations of you far enough that you didn't disappoint
them. There are a few things we need to clear up, however."
"Ah, come on, Karl. What did I possibly do wrong?"
"Well, for one thing, you're still confusing Saddam and Osama.
You said "we're after Saddam Hussein," and then you quickly
corrected it to Osama bin Laden. While I think we've
threatened the major news outlets enough to keep them from
reporting that, it's the kind of gaff that could cost us if anyone
was really listening."
"Alright, once and for all. Which one is my family in business
"No, no, never say it like that, Mr. President. You have never
had direct business dealings with Osama bin Laden. The Bush
and bin Laden families have been in business together for
years, but the bin Ladens now say Osama is the black sheep of
the family. However, the Democrats will keep trying to make a
big deal out of the whole thing. Our best approach to Osama is
to ignore him and hope everyone will forget him. That was the
whole point of pinning 9/11 on Saddam."
"Yeah but the Democrats keep bringin' out that damn picture
of Rumsfeld bowing and shaking hands with Osama."
"No, sir, that was Saddam."
"Oh yeah, Rumsfeld was there to inspect for the Weapons of
Mass Destruction, right?"
"No, sir, not quite. We were giving Saddam chemical and
biological weapons to use against Iran and the Kurds."
"We gave him weapons of mass destruction?"
"I'm sorry I even said that, sir. I know it's very confusing. Just
put it out of your mind."
"Jeez, I'm worried enough that someone will find out I gave
Saddam $45 million for not producing opium."
"Actually, you gave that to the Taliban in Afghanistan, but people
have pretty much forgotten. Probably best for you to forget it, too.
However it's essential that you remember the difference between
Saddam and Osama. "
"Okay, lighten up, okay? Couldn't I handle it with my loveable wit
by saying those Orientals all look alike?"
"First of all, they're not Orientals, and second, I don't think you can
afford to write off the Asian-American vote, SIR."
"You know, Karl, I could use a little more support from those
closest to me. Like Laura. You thought I did a great job,
didn't you, Laurabelle?"
"Now you know, we've talked about this before, Dubby. I'm still
one of those undecideds you hear so much about. And don't
call me Laurabelle. Oh, and never tell people you're a master
debater. You know how you can be with words."